Down by One

There was 2 seconds left on the clock. We were down by 1 point. I had been fouled, and there I stood at the freethrow line. All I had to do was make both my shots, then we would win the tournament. Be ranked first in New Zealand. I looked over at the guy in the number 10 singlet on the opposing team, the man that had dominated our team from the start. He was the guy that had fouled me, and he had fouled me hard. I rubbed my wrist as I painfully remembered how he had landed on top of it and crushed it with all his weight (which is quite heavy considering that he is 7 foot tall). My wrist felt shattered. There was no way I could make my shots! As the referee handed me the ball looked into the stadium crowd. I could see my dad sitting there cheering me on. That gave me all the hope in the world, and as the ball rolled off my fingertips and soared straight into the hoop I could hear him yelling 'Go Chris! You can do it!' The applause and cheering from our bench and supporters was deafening, and I go ready to take my next shot.

All of a sudden a felt a sharp pain in my wrist. I must have strained it even further by taking my last shot. This next one was going to be tough, and I wasn't sure I could do it. Nevertheless,I told myself 'Come on, Chris. We practice these all the time.' The sweat dripped down my forehead and I looked down at my brand new Adidas shoes that I had bought specially for this tournament. On them they read T-Mac, meaning Tracy McGrady, a great player in the NBA. Just by looking at his name, it gave me courage to overcome my nerves and take my shot. I bent my knees, lined my elbow in front of my face, and rolled the ball off my fingertips , but NO! my wrist gave way and the ball was sent hurling towards the left of the hoop. I felt tears welling up in my eyes, and I would have burst out crying if the referee had not penetrated my thoughts with two short, sharp blows f the whistle. "Line violation," he called. "take another shot." All sadness left me, and was replaced by happiness and relief. What had happened was that the guy in the number 10 singlet had stepped over the line to rebound, before I had even taken my shot. Therefore, I got another shot. But it wasn't over yet, I still had to make my next shot. This was going to be a piece of cake. My wrist wasn't sore anymore as at must have clicked back into place, and as the balled slipped up and over into the hoop, without even touching the rim.

The whole stadium was cheering for me, and my teammates rushed over to me and lifted me up on my shoulders. This was the happiest moment of my life, and it was rudely interrupted by the referees reminding us that we still had 2 seconds on the clock. Our team went to go play defence and straight away my team mate got a steal! 0.5 seconds left. Pass to me. . . Dunk! The buzzer went, and we had won. The crowd erupted in applause and cheering, and I rushed over to my dad and hugged him. That was it! The Hibiscus Coast Hawks were ranked first in New Zealand for the Under 15 level.

Immortal Life

I would quite like to live forever. Watch mankind develop and technology advance. Once I got to a certain age I would like to just stop aging completely. I would like to live without pain and suffering, and be able to stay alive in space or underwater. I would like to have a perfect immune system. Be able to fight off any disease before it reaches it's early stages. As soon as I get a wound it heals.

I would like my knowledge to ever expand, never letting me forget any piece of information. To know everything there is to know, and to be able to recall any information when I needed it. I would like to live into the future, getting all the latest technology and listening to the latest music.

The only problems that I would have with immortal life would be loneliness, and the ever looming prospect of the end of the world. It would be hard watching everyone that I love die around me, and having to try and fit in once I'm alone. And also when the inevitable end of the world comes, what will I do? Just float around in space visiting solar system after solar system? Despite the loneliness, that actually sounds pretty cool. Discover new planets and life-forms, and maybe even create a new civilisation.

What are your thoughts on immortal life? Post some comments on this entry about your views.

Explaining the whole "Top 10" thingymabob

In English class the teacher went through our blogs. It turns out we were supposed to have at least 39 blog entries, and I only happened to have 19. Yeah, only 20 less than I needed! I had heard from a friend that he had gone onto the Internet and found the 101 jokes page. He copied and pasted all 101 of the jokes into 5 different blog entries. I decided that it was a pretty intelligent idea, and I decided to do something similar.

I remembered going on a cool website a couple of years ago, a website full of HILARIOUS Top 10 lists that kept me entertained for hours. The website was called http://www.brainofbrian.com/topten.html. I remembered this website a couple of days ago, and thought it would be cool to put some of the lists on my blog. So last night, I spent about an hour copying and pasting these lists onto my blog one by one, completely losing track of time. I wasn't keeping count of how man lists I did, so when I finished the last one I thought I must have a total of 20-30 total blog entries. I clicked the 'View Blog' link, and was shocked and amazed to see that I had 39 blog entries! That's right, 39 blog entries!!!!! I thought there must be some sort of mistake, so I carefully counted every single blog entry. There was no mistake. I had a grand total of 39. I couldn't believe how coincidental this was. The number of blog entries I required, was the exact amount of blog entries I got!

So at the moment have 40 blog entries (Well 41 if you include this one). I am currently showing all of the entries on one page (to make it look really long!), and I think other people are going to follow my example on the mass blog entry making.

Things I Want to do Before I Kick the Bucket (My Bucket List)

These are all the things that I can think of that I want to do before I die. . .

• Write and publish a novel
• Invent a famous quote
• Be in a movie
• Represent my country in a sport
• Travel to every country in the world
• Become a billionaire
• Release a music album
• Go to Dubai and do everything there that I can
• Get a Doctorate in something
• Be in the Guinness Book of Records for something
• Become a house-hold name around the world
• Go sky-diving
• Climb Mount Everest
• Be able to dunk a basketball hoop
• Develop a theory on something
• Go into space

That's all I can think of right now so I'll update the blog entry if I think of something else.

Top 40 Funny Foreign Signs

40. On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
39. On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
38. In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
37. A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
36. On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
35. In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service.
34. Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
33. On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
32. In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
31. In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
30. In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.
29. From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
28. A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
27. In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
26. In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
25. In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
24. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
23. In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
22. From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
21. Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
20. In a Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results.
19. In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.
18. In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such things, please do not read notis.
17. In a Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
16. In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
15. In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.
14. Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
13. Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.
12. In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
11. In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
10. At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
9. In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
8. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
7. In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
6. From the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
5. In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
4. In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
3. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time, we regret that you will be unbearable.
2. In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
1. In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.

Top 40 Things to do While in an Elevator

40. Make racecar noises when anyone gets on or off.
39. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
38. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
37. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
36. Bring a chair along.
35. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
34. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
33. Do Tai Chi exercises.
32. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
31. Meow occasionally.
30. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
29. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
28. Play the harmonica.
27. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
26. Lean against the button panel.
25. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
24. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
23. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other people "through" it.
22. Start a sing-along.
21. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
20. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
19. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
18. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
17. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
16. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
15. One word: Flatulence!
14. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, darn motion sickness!"
13. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
12. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
10. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
9. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, blasted, all of you just shut UP!""
8. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
7. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
6. Wear "x-ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
5. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."
4. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
3. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
2. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
1. Draw a little square on the floor and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

Top 24 Things You Woudn't Know Without the Movies

24. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
23. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
22. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
21. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
20. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
19. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
18. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
17. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
16. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
15. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of Wembley Stadium.
14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
13. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
12. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
11. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
10. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
9. An electric fence powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
8. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
7. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
5. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
4. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
3. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war - unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
2. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade -- at any time of the year.

Top 24 Funniest Signs Seen in the USA

24. In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."
23. In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed."
22. In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center"
21. On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."
20. On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."
19. At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."
18. On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced"
17. Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."
16. In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"
15. In a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."
14. In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
13. On a Tennessee highway: "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."
12. In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy."
11. In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."
10. On a radiator repair garage: "Best place to take a leak."
9. At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."
8. In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."
7. On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. -- Sisters of Mercy"
6. In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
5. A parking sign in front of a Boston meditation center: "Visualize Being Towed."
4. On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."
3. In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."
2. In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"
1. On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on the same spot."

Top 20 Things to do While Ordering Pizza

20. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
19. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
18. Put them on hold.
17. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented...
16. Report a petty theft to the order taker.
15. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
14. Be vague in your order. When they ask what you'd like on your pizza say, "Oh, a little of this, a little of that..."
13. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
12. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
11. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
10. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
9. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
8. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
7. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the jazz about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
5. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say, "You just don't get it, do you?"
4. When they say, "Will that be all?" snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
3. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
2. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
1. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."

Top 20 Useless Inventions

20. Non stick Cellotape
19. Solar Powered Flash Light (torch)
18. A black highlighter pen
17. Glow in the dark sunglasses
16. Inflatable Anchor
15. Smooth Sandpaper
14. Waterproof sponge
13. Waterproof Teabags
12. AC adapter for Solar powered calculators
11. Fireproof Matches
10. Fireproof Cigarettes
9. Battery powered Battery Charger
8. Seatbelts for Motorbikes
7. Hand powered Chainsaw
6. Inflatable Dartboard
5. Silent Alarm Clock
4. A Pedal powered wheelchair
3. Braille Drivers Manual
2. Double sided playing cards
1. Ejector seats for Helicopters

Top 17 Ways to Freak-Out your Room mate

17. Smoke ballpoint pens.
16. Smile -- All the time.
15. Always flush the toilet three times.
14. Listen to radio static.
13. Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.
12. Whenever your roommate comes in from the shower, lower your eyes and giggle to yourself.
11. Whenever you go to sleep, starts jumping on your bed . . . do so for a while, then jump really high and act like you hit your head on the ceiling. Crumple onto your bed and fake like you were knocked out . . . use this method to fall asleep...every night for a month.
10. Ask your roommate if he/she has ever looked into the eye's of his/her victim.
9. Whenever his/her parents call and ask for your roommate, breathe into the phone for 5 seconds then hang up.
8. Gather up a garbage bag full of leaves and throw them in a pile in his/her room. Jump in them. Comment about the beautiful foliage.
7. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
6. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
5. Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door
4. Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.
3. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. With an air of disdain, announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
2. Buy Sea Monkeys and grow them. Name one after your roommate. Announce the next day that that one died. Name another one after your roommate. The next day say that it died. Keep this up until they all die.
1. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye."

Top 14 Fun Things to do in a Public Bathroom

14. Using a small squeeze tube spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"
13. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettuccine alfredo you had for breakfast.
12. Take in a wineskin filled w/ water. Stand and slowing squeeze it out into the toilet, every 15-20 seconds moan or sigh.
11. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."
10. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
9. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
8. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
7. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.
4. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
3. Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."
2. After flushing Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
1. Fill a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"

Top 10 Odd Medical Statements

10. "The skin was moist and dry."
9. "The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week."
8. "The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed."
7. "The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead."
6. "I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy."
5. "While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home."
4. "She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce."
3. "When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."
2. "She is numb from her toes down."
1. "The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately."

Top 10 Worst Things to See on your Performance Evaluation (Real excerpts from performance evaluations)

10. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
9. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
8. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."
7. "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
5. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
4. "This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better."
3. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
2. "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
1. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

Top 10 Ways to eep Wackiness in the Workplace

10. Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're all present.
9. Schedule meetings for 4:14 PM.
8. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers or tape dispensers.
7. "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.
6. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive".
5. When co-worker walks by motion him over, lean forward as if you are about to say something then go back to work.
4. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
3. Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathroom."
2. Include a personal note on every email that you send. "On a personal note, I'm feeling a bit tired and grumpy today." "On a personal note, I'm pleased to announce that I got my highest score ever on Tetris last night."
1. Every time you enter the room, sit in a chair, lean back too far, and fall over backwards. Laugh hysterically for about ten minutes. Then, one day, repeat the falling-over exercise, but instead of laughing, get up, look at the chair sternly, and say, "It's not funny anymore."

Top 12 Ways to Get Rid of Telemarketers

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for Bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." When they try to get back to the sell, just continue your problems.
3. If they say they're Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, Ask them to spell their name, then ask them to spell the company name, then ask them where it located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with Canter and Siegel services.... You: "Hang on a second." (Few seconds pause) "Okay, (in a really husky voice) what are you wearing?"
5. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy!! Is this really you? Oh, my God! Judy, how have you BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where on earth she could know you from.
6. Say, "No", repeatedly. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"
8. If they clean rugs: "Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood.
9. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or "That's fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you.
10. Tell them you work for the same company they work for. Example: Telemarketer: "This is Bill from Mantermills." You: "Mantermills!! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?" Telemarketer: "Uh, Dallas, Texas." You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business/the weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling to employees! Oh well, see ya."
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh, my God!!!" and then hang up.
12. Say to the Telemarketer, "Sorry, I can't talk right now but if you'd just give me your home phone number I'll call you when I'm not as busy. When they say in a flustered way that they can't give out their home number say, "Oh, I see...you don't want strangers calling you at your home! Now you know how I feel."

Top 10 Weirdest Statements (Made by prospective employees during an interview)

10. "Once a week, I usually feel hot all over."
9. "People are always watching me."
8. "My legs are really hairy."
7. "I think I'm going to throw up."
6. "I have no difficulty in starting or holding my bowel movement."
5. "I feel uneasy indoors."
4. "Sometimes I feel like smashing things."
3. "I get excited very easily."
2. "At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking."
1. "I am fascinated by fire."

Top 10 Dumbest Criminals

10. Strike one! England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a "handicap" is. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.
9. "Hello? Guns for hire?" Arizona: A company called "Guns for Hire" stages gunfights for Western movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year- old woman, who wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.
8. Say cheese! A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole--are you ready for this?--the bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.)
7. Drop everything and run! Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
6. Just forget it Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house, and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that they locked the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.
5. Ouch A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2) he could not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help . . .
4. Let's do a little math A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store similar to a 7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.
3. I know I forgot something Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.
2. You mean me? A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
1. The Hefty-bag A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eye holes in the mask.

Top 10 Drinking Symptoms

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is unusually pale and clear.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, and the front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror. Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Turn glass other way up so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Go stand next to nearest dog. After a while complain to the owner about its lack of house training and demand a beer as compensation.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor swaying.
FAULT: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to air-hockey game in progress.
ACTION: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not, complain loudly that you are being kidnapped.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent light strip across it.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up; lash self to bar.

SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dark.
FAULT: The Bar is closing.
ACTION: Panic.

Top 10 Ways to Freak Out Your Co-Workers

10. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
9. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
8. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.
7. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
6. Point at the screen. Chant in a made-up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.
5. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
4. Sneak up behind some engrossed in their work screaming, "DISK FIGHT!!!" and bop them on the head with a disk.
3. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
2. Get a pair of 3-d glasses. Wobble around while walking and keep yelling, "Whoa, that looked so real!"
1. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you

T.A.C.O

The year was 2059. We were only 3 years into the War. The War against the New World Government (NWG). Ever since the discovery of the T.A.C.O, the world was never the same. The days were darker, the wars were fiercer, and poverty flourished everywhere you looked. Destruction. Chaos. Death. That's the only way I can describe it. Education had been abolished in nearly every place in the world. But not here. Not at Whangaparaoa College. It was one of three of the last schools in the world, and I happened to be lucky enough to go there. Of the 16,000 students that were at the school last year, only 11 students other than myself remained. The rest had all perished in the first mass T.A.C.O explosion. The weapon was rightly named the Teacher And Child Obliterator, because that is exactly what it did. Little did I know that today, the second bomb would be unleashed.

Chapter 1

Faster. I had to run faster! I can't believe I slept in again! The hover-jeeps were closing in behind me, and I had a gut feeling that they were going to catch me at any second. I was only about 50 metres from the secret entrance to the school, but keeping the whereabouts of the entrance secret was more important than my life. I had to lose them first, all the while trying to avoid the hand-held TA.C.O rays. I just had to keep on running in circles. All I had to do was let them lose sight of me, and then make a dive into the large oak trees. That's what I did last time. Lets just hope it will work again. I sprinted around the corner, and then I made my move. I dove to the left, grazing my knee on the sharp bristles of the trees and bushes. I crouched down in between two large tree trunks and behind a bush. I could hear the jeep slow down, and as I peeped through the leaves I could vaguely make out the NWG logo. The jeep was only hovering a few inches above the ground now, and was going about 5 kilometres an hour. I sat there for what felt like an eternity, with my heart pounding in my throat and my ears straining for any trace of sound for more jeeps. There was nothing except the rustling of the trees to be heard, so I got up and straightened my uniform. Phew, that was close! I walked out on to the dusty road and made my way towards the third bush on the left of the largest oak tree. I pulled apart the shrubbery and felt around for the metal handle that would open the trapdoor. As my hand enclosed around the cold, hard object, I pulled towards me and the trapdoor it the dirt beside me with a loud clang! I scrambled down the long ladder, the darkness around me swallowing me whole. I hit the ground with a thud, and looked around at the dimly lit corridors and rooms that were made out of titanium. I didn't want to think of what Madam Bullwich would do to me if I strolled in late for the second time in 2 weeks. All I knew was that it would be bad. Really bad. I decided I would just face what ever she had in store for me, and hope that she didn't make me wish that I had gotten blasted to oblivion by the T.A.C.O rays. I slowly crept around the corner, praying for the slim chance that I could slip into class unnoticed. But before I could even take a look at my class mates I heard a "FREDERICK BAKER!!!!" And there she was. The long-nosed, grey-haired, hunch-backed old lady with a prison warden voice. "Where the hell have you been," she yelled "and why are you covered in leaves?!??!??!!!" Every part of me was shaking, and managed to mumble something about sleeping in and the NWG. I could see the relief in her eyes that I had made it here safely, but this wasn't going to water-down m punishment. "You are going to write a 6000 word essay on why you can not sleep in during these times, and what will happen if you get yourself caught by the NWG!" I thought I was the luckiest 14 year old boy in the world (and I probably was right)! She had let me off so lightly! Last time. . . . . . . I don't even want to talk about last time. I was about turn around to sit down at my desk when Madam Bullwich added "and then you shall eat it." It felt like a stone dropped into the pit of my stomach. We had run out of flavoured paper yesterday.

To be continued. . . . .


(I will edit this blog entry every now and then to finish the story.
For Drew and Issac: Don't copy and paste this last bit or the to be continued thingy and just write BANG at the end of the story.)

Top 10 Unusual Things Done During an Interview

10. A job applicant challenged the interviewer to arm wrestle.
9. Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.
8. Candidate brought large dog to interview.
7. Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed standing up.
6. Balding candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a hair piece.
5. Applicant said if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
4. Candidate dozed off during interview.
3. Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.
2. Candidate explained that her long-term goal was to replace the interviewer.
1. Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.

Hmework thingy ma bob

In the passagebelow I had to substitute words for. . .

3 synonyms
3 antonyms
1 homonym

Original
Tim could not believe it. Overnight, the world had changed from a grey, dark mess to a beautiful white wonderland. He walked outside onto the snow and gazed at it in wonder. Tim had never seen anything like it in the ten years that he had been living in Auckland, and he didn't think that he would ever see it again.He spun around in the swirling white but regretted it when he fell over. He got up quickly, hoping nobody had seen him. Tim's annoying little sister came sprinting out into the street, screaming with excitement. She begged him to help her make a snowman so they knelt on the pavement and started to scoop up as much snow as they could into a pail. After about an hour, the snowman was huge and Tim was freezing. He carefully stepped over the ice, back into the house for some hot chocolate.

Mine
Tim could not believe it. Overnight, the Earth had changed from a grey, dark mess to an ugly white wonderland. He strolled outside onto the snow and looked at it in dread. Tim had never seen anything like it in the ten years that he had been living in Auckland, and he didn't think that he would ever see it again.He spun around in the swirling white but regretted it when he fell over. He got up quickly, hoping nobody had seen him. Tim's annoying little sister came sprinting out into the street, screaming with excitement. She begged him to help her make a snowman so they knelt on the pavement and started to scoop up as much snow as they could into a pale bucket. After about an hour, the snowman was huge and Tim was freezing. He carelessly stepped over the ice, back into the house for some hot chocolate.

So there. Nothing spectacular but at least it's done.

Top 10 things to do at the mall

10. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"
9. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.
8. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.
7. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke.
6. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.
5. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.
4. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leak proof".
3. Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish.
2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
1. Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man."

NBA Playoffs

This year is really the first year that I have followed the playoffs, but now I check the results every day and it has become a large part of my life. I have always enjoyed basketball, but I am really getting into the NBA now because I have been playing NBA Live 2007 on PlayStation 2. My favourite team at the moment is the Phoenix Suns. They have big names like Shaquille O'Neal, Steve Nash, and Amare Stoudemire. They also have the only New Zealander in the whole league. His name is Sean Marks.

Shaquille O'Neal is my favourite player and my favourite team is always the team that he is in (much like Seamus and Edwin Van Der Sar). He is 7 foot 1 and he currently averages 15. 2 points a game. He is way pat his prime and he isn't half of what he used to be (which is still really good. That is why is my favourite player).

My second favourite player is Kevin Garnett. He plays for the Boston Celtics and he has never won an NBA championship in his 12 seasons of playing. Despite that, he is a great player and could be labelled as one of the best players of all time. He stands a 6 feet and 11 inches and he currently averages 20.5 points a game.

My third favourite player is Dwight Howard who plays for the Orlando Magic. I only decided that he was my third favourite player yesterday when I saw him winning the NBA All Stars Slam-Dunk competition. He is 6 foot 11 and he currently averages 20.9 points a game. He is only 22 years old and he is already an outstanding player.

At first I wanted the Phoenix Suns to win, but they got knocked put in the first round. Now (second round) I am going for Boston, Orlando, and the Los Angeles Lakers. Both Boston and Orlando lost their games today, but hopefully they can reclaim victory in the next few games of the best-out-of-7 series.

My Friend

My has many names. Gurken, Gurky, Gurkles, Merkin, Merky, Merksy, Squishy, Squishkin, Rumple Squishkin, Smilecat, Squishcat, Mercat, Meerkat, Joseph Sweeny, POSS (Push-over Sad Sack), Bouscoller Triste Sac (POSS in French), and most recently Baby Turtle. He has a dry sense of humour (in a good way), and he talks really quietly (which is really annoying sometimes because you can't hear what he is saying). He walks kind of like a hunch-back but he can run really fast if he needs to. He plays the electric guitar and he spends a lot of time practising it. He is not very open with secrets and he keeps everything to himself no matter how much I pester him.

Mr V (V dawg) and the spider

Yesterday my vegetarian teacher ate a live spider. Yes you read correctly, a LIVE spider! Now I am going to write a story about this and blow out of proportion while still sticking to what actually happened.

Once upon a time there was a spider. He was a daddy long legs spider, and he happened to be named Byll. One day, Byll decided to visit a human class room as part of his big OE. Little did he know, some humans were terribly afraid of spiders, and in this case it would mean Byll's death.

So there Byll was, trotting around inside a HUMAN classroom. Byll was so amazed! He had never seen a bunch of uglier looking humans in his life! Byll decided to get a closer look at some of the people, but all of a sudden there was a tremendous shriek of terror! Byll span around to see a towering female figure standing over him. He turned around and started running as fast as his long legs would carry him. He had only just made it a few centimetres when a large hand flopped down beside him. It kept on cornering him, and he had no choice but to climb on to the hand. But instead of making it onto the hand, he was suddenly lifted into the air by one of his legs! Byll was terrified. He had never encountered anything like this in his 3 days of life. He passed from one hand to the next. This next hand was larger, and had a different texture to the last hand.

Byll was lifted even higher! Now he was dangling in front of the tall creatures mouth. Byll's 3 day life flashed before his eyes. He was moving ever closer to the mouth, and before long he was standing on the human's tongue. He looked up. Everything seemed to go in slow motion. Byll knew death was coming as he saw the large, white molars moving rapidly towards him. As the teeth squished into him, he thought of his wife and his 27 children. His last thoughts were wondering if his family would survive without him.

The life of Byll was over. It is amazing how a simple Overseas Experience trip can cost you your life. Think of all the tourists in the Bali bombings or the Boxing Day tsunami. Think about animal rights and the unfair treatment of spiders. A life is a life, no matter how small.

The End

Magic Taco Story

I found this Magic Taco storyon the internet and I thought it was really cool. It's quite long so it will take ages to read. (And it also makes my blog look really long!) Please note I did NOT write this and I got it off http://www.bucconeer.worldcon.org/contest/06sf88.htm.

The Magic Taco
by
Thomas Tallerico


Beans, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, hot sauce, and hamburger. That was what Sam put in his taco every day after school before he went to work at the family store, but today was not a usual day for Sam. His parents had said he had to work at the family shop instead of going to a big party his friend was throwing that everyone was going to. In his frustration he accidentally picked up the mustard instead of the hot sauce and unknowingly put it on his taco. As he folded the taco the mustard combined with the meat and cheese and caused a chemical reaction.

He took a bite. It was disgusting. He opened the taco up and to his surprise there was a glowing yellow substance inside the taco. So he thought to himself, great everything is going wrong today. First I can’t go to the party and now my taco has weird mold in it. He turned to throw it away, but there was no trashcan to throw it away in He looked around and there was no refrigerator, chairs, counters, oven, stove, cabinets, or even walls.

Sam was in the middle of a huge forest. This forest was like no forest Sam had ever seen. The trees were shades of red, green, and purple. One was even rainbow colored. They were also very tall. Sam could not figure out how he had gotten there. He was afraid. He asked himself questions like Will I ever get home? or How do I get home? Wait why should I be worried about whether or not I get home thought Sam. My parents don’t care about me anyway. He leaned back against a tree and tried to figure out what happened.

As he pondered how he had gotten there or maybe he was dreaming he accidentally took a bite of the taco. He spat it out the second it touched his tongue. He fell flat on his back with a gasp. Looking around after getting up and brushing off his shoulders, he was in a vast desert with very few cacti. The only difference between this desert and any other desert was it had little rat like creatures running around. Glancing down at the taco he thought it must be the taco and every time I take a bite I get transported to a different world or something like that. It must be the strange mold that causes it. Hmmmmm. …

He looked around this isn’t too great there’s nothing to do here. He took another bite and spat it out immediately. It was still disgusting. This time he found himself on a futuristic planet that was highly populated with many different species of aliens. He looked up and he saw hundreds of hover cars and mile high buildings. An alien about 7 foot with four arms and tentacle like hair came up to him.

“ I’ve never seen your kind before. What are you?” said the alien, but all Sam heard was gibberish that sounded like fsdfdhcncjdj djjjdujusnudn jusnduddus usnmsjsweus sjssjssjjjsj njss dndjdsd.

Sam could not think of anything to say except for ”Sorry I don’t speak ikobabola.”
The alien did not understand the first part, but he understood the second part and Sam had just insulted his mother. So without speaking the alien charged at him fast as he could go with all his fists drawn back ready to beat Sam to a bloody pulp. Sam could not figure out why the alien was charging at him, but he new he had to do something fast. He took a bite of the taco and spat it out. Later that day the alien was taken away in an ambulance to the insanity ward for hallucinating.

“Whew that was close,” said Sam to himself as he looked around. He was on a beach surrounded by palm trees. The water was clear and blue, not polluted like the water back home. It must have been 95 degrees Fahrenheit. He set down the taco on top of his shirt and got into the water. The water felt cold against his skin. He bent down to get a drink. It was not polluted, but fresh. He said to himself,” I could get used to this.”

He stayed in the water for a few hours. After all what was the point of going home his parents hated him anyways. If they truly loved me they would let me go to the party instead of working at the shop thought Sam. He suddenly started to get hungry. “ I wonder what there is to eat on this island,” Sam thought out loud as he headed in land. After a half an hour of looking all he could find was rows and rows of palm trees and they didn’t even have coconuts on them. So he had no choice, but to say bye to his island paradise and take a bite of the taco.

“ Ike disgusting!” said Sam as he spat out the taco. This time he found himself in an apple orchard that seemed to stretch for miles. He immediately ran toward the nearest tree, grab an apple, and ate it. An apple had never tasted so good to him. Sam kept on eating apple after apple. A very old alien came hobbling down the path with his cane. He did not know what this strange creature was, but it would not be allowed to eat his apples. He went as fast as he could toward Sam, making noises to try, and waving his cane in order to scare him away. Sam did not know what the alien was saying or doing, but he was scared. He turned and ran. This place isn’t to great thought Sam. There are aliens here and I don’t want to deal with not knowing their language. So he took another bite of the taco, but this time he held his nose so he didn’t taste it. He spat it out anyways because he didn’t want the mold to get into his stomach because it was toxic and could make him sick.

He looked around. He was in an ancient civilization. Mud houses surrounded him, but off to the left he saw magnificent stone buildings and temples. There were humans here and by now all of them where giving him funny looks and slowly walking away from him.
All except one woman who grabbed Sam and said, ” What are you doing?”
Oh well thought Sam and was about to take a bite of the taco when he realized that was fluent English she was speaking to him.

“You know it ’s illegal for peasants to wear those royal garments,” said the lady as she dragged him into one of the huts. She handed Sam some garments and a little bag like hers and showed him to a room. “You can change in here,” she said.

All Sam could think to say before she closed the door was “ Thank you.” Sam placed the taco in his bag. As Sam changed he thought maybe it would be nice to stay here for a few day. I mean the people speak English. He picked up his bag and walked out of the room, but the second he walked out of the room a guy yelled.

“There’s the guy that was wearing the royal garments.” Two soldiers barged past the lady who was standing in the door way and grabbed Sam by each arm and lifted him off the ground.

“Let me go!” yelled Sam.

“ Why would we let you go?” asked one of the soldiers.

While a man in the “royal garments” handed a bag of coins to the man who had shouted saying, “Good job Bill. Keep up the good work.”

“Always a pleasure doing business Jerry,” replied Bill taking the money and walking down the street showing the bag of money off to everyone who would look his way. As another set of soldier stepped in front of the noble and grabbed the lady by the wrists and dragged her out of the room followed by Sam.

Sam and the lady where escorted to one of the stone buildings, here they were thrown in separate cells.

The noble said, “You are both sentenced to a year in prison. You will receive two meals a day and will help build another temple to honor our gods. ”

A year thought Sam that’s not so bad. The lady will survive. So what’s the point in hanging around here and have to build a temple? Except to get my cloths back. I don’t see a reason. I do feel a little guilty leaving her here. After all, I’m the only reason she is here, but I can’t take her with me. So, he took the taco out of the bag, held his nose, and bit it. As usual he spat it out.

He looked down at the taco. He had already eaten a third of it. If he didn’t find a place he liked. He would be stuck in a world he didn’t like. He started walking while looking at the taco. Suddenly he fell. Sam looked down. He was hundreds of feet from the ground. He looked up he had been on top of a cliff. Oh well he thought what a waste. He grabbed his nose, took a bite, and spat it out immediately.

He hit the ground hard. He couldn’t breathe. He was on a planet, but there was no oxygen. He quickly took a bite. The second it touched his he remembered he had forgotten to hold his nose. He spat it out and inhaled deeply. He didn’t have the breath to express his disgust verbally. So he just stood there with his hands on his knees gasping for air.

Once he caught his breath he slipped the taco into his bag looked around he was in a forest again, but the trees looked like grass. He looked up there was a giant foot coming straight down on top of him. Sam sprinted out of the way. The foot hit the ground sending him flying up in the air. He hit the ground hard. A giant hand scooped him into a jar. Oh well thought Sam. He reached into the bag, but there was nothing there. He turned it upside down and shook it, but nothing came out. Oh no thought Sam the taco must have fallen out when the hand picked me up. He looked up there it was the taco stuck to the roof of the jar. He jumped and tried to grab it, but he couldn’t. I guess I’ll just have to wait for it to fall Thought Sam.

He looked out of the jar and jumped straight twenty feet in the air. There was a gigantic eye staring in at him with wonder. Even though the giant was much bigger than Sam he could tell it was only a kid. The giant skipped toward a huge building Sam guessed was its home making same shake up and down in the jar. The taco will have to fall after this thought Sam. The giant pushed through a door and continued down a hall into a room in which an older looking giant in a lab coat sat busily typing away at his computer. The giant holding Sam walked over to the older giant. When the kid stopped Sam looked up only half of what was left had fallen. Ether I go and have less of a chance of finding a good place or I wait thought Sam. I guess I’ll just have wait. The little giant handed Sam to the bigger giant. The giant starred at Sam and then waved the other giant away. Ounce the little giant was gone he took Sam out of the jar and grabbed a magnified glass and started to study Sam. After about fifteen minutes it put Sam back in the jar he stood up and left.

The little giant glanced in noticing that its father had left it picked up Sam and took him to another room obviously a girl’s room. She took him over to a dollhouse and put him in a pair of doll close. Thank God thought Sam those close were starting to itch I guess all I half to do is play doll until she puts me down then I run for the other half of taco. He looked over at the jar and saw an ant take a bite of the taco and then disappear with the rest of the taco. Sam quickly grabbed his nose and took a bite of the taco, but when he got to the next world the ant was not there.

He looked down at the taco there was only one bite left. He looked around all he could see was white like the type of thing you would see on a cartoon.
“Dang it!” said Sam very frustrated. “Nothing is going right today. The next place will probably be like all the ones before it. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I wish I could go home.” Sam held his nose and took the last bite of the magic taco.
He opened his eyes he was in his kitchen. He glanced at his clock no time had passed. Maybe he hadn’t gone anywhere. Then why was he in doll clothes. I guess I better change before I go to work thought Sam. He turned to go to his room still looking at his clothes with disbelief and ran into something. He looked up there was a giant ant in his kitchen…


THE END

Blogging

I find it quite hard to think up ideas for blog entries (hence this blog entry), but as soon as I think of an idea I can write about it for ages. I was having this conversation with Drew last term, and he was the same. Sometimes I can sit at a computer blankly for hours, before I finally come up with an idea to write a blog entry about. Some people find it really easy, and they have blog entry ideas coming out of their ears! Unfortunately I am not one of these people.

Now I am completley contradicting my first sentence. I am fresh out of ideas for this blog entry! Soon enough, I am going to give in and push the menacing orange button below that says 'PUBLISH POST'. I don't like writing short little blog entries because it's not fulfilling. It doesn't give me the satisfied feeling that I have actually accomplished something.

That's it. I can't think of anything else to write. I am going to push the button. The button that has been taunting me for the past 10 minutes that I have been sitting here. Ok. Here goes. i am going to push it now. Any minute now. . . Wait! I just thought of an idea for a new blog entry!

Describing a parent without describing any physical characteristics

My dad is builder. He is outgoing and social, and he plays tennis every now and again. He always makes me hot chocolates before I go to bed, he takes me to basketball on Tuesdays, and he has rock n roll dance classes on Thursday nights. My dad is a good dad, and he always looks out for his kids.

Thing explaining my story thingamabob

Well, in English class we had to write a short story about the picture that was shown on the Smartboard. The picture was of a guy up high in the air that had fallen off his bike after doing a jump or something. There were lots of spectators around, and it doesn't look like the guy would land on the ground safely.

When Scott decided he would kill his character, I decided that I would aswell. I also decided to kill my character because I watched Stranger than Fiction starring Will Ferrell the other day. It was about a guy who starts hearing a voice that is narrating his life. It turns out that the narrator is the famous author Karen Eiffel, who is famous for killing her main characers in all her books.

Last night I typed up my story on Microsoft Word, but just as I had saved my work after I had finished, my laptop blew up (Well not really, the battery just died). I didn't think to get a note, as I thought I could just finish it the next night. Hover, this was not the case. Ms Wilson immediately checked for the work the next day, and I had to sit on the naughty side of the classroom (with all the other people that did'n do their work).

Story thingamabob

Not again! I was sooo close! I can’t believe I took the jump wrong again, and this time I was further up in the air, and my arms were caught behind my back so I couldn’t brace myself. I would like to tell you that I had a realisation about life and death as I hurtle through the air with my bike tumbling after me, but to be honest my only thoughts were ‘Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!’ As I hit the ground there was an almighty ringing in my ears, and then I blacked out. The last thing I remember was my good mate Bill helping me into the ambulance, and the ever persisting pain in my back.

I was dreaming that I was the last man on Earth, wandering land and sea with no purpose. It was a lonely place, but I was at peace. I looked upon the blue haze floating above the hills. The city ruins are behind me, me the troubles of the past dwelling in my mind. I looked over to the nearest traffic light, and there sat a beautiful bird. I felt strangely drawn to the bird, and I had the strongest urge to talk to it. I called out but my voice trailed off into the distance. I tried to call to it again but no sound came out. I walked over to the traffic light to try and reach the bird; I just had to touch it! At that moment, the bird suddenly looked up and took flight. I felt myself slipping back into reality as I saw the magnificent creature soar away.

I woke up on a comfy bed, and everywhere smelt like disinfectant and sick people. I saw the nurse slowly approach my bedside. I could tell by the look on her face that the news wasn’t good. She told me that I had been paralysed from the neck down. At that moment, a flurry of emotions went through my mind. Shock, disbelief, anger, worry, fear. I couldn’t live like that. I live for adrenaline and high intensity activities. I couldn’t live my live lying on a bed all day doing nothing. If I can’t move there is no point in living. I had to end my life. As I faded from existence, I heard the perpetual beep of the monitor next to me turn into a long and dreary tone.